At 13 I went from a small town to a really huge city. At one end I was daydreaming about moving to the big city and on the other end there was a tornado waiting to break havoc on my life. I was a really sweet and innocent kid back then. I was so painfully shy. I was such a nerd. I used to watch those dumb Disney movies thinking life was a fairy tale.
Well I wish I knew what seemed so great leaving behind was going to be the last time my life was trouble-free and innocent. Because after I moved it was a series of unfortunate events. It was like I became conscious of reality. I went through so many hardships. I finally understood what was with the “It’s a cruel world”. Suddenly when I looked back I realized even before I moved my life was horrible too. I thought it innocent because of my childish perspective.
That change in me was so sudden. My sweet 16 was actually very sweet in the beginning. But within a year I was so changed. I was a totally different person. I matured so much in just a year.
But all this time no matter how much I had matured, how clear things had become I can’t help myself from desperately trying to find that feeling again.That familiar feeling of what’s normal. Of home. Ever since all of it I went back to that place I moved from but I feel like nothing. Like it’s all gone. And yet I haven’t stopped , I can’t, I just don’t know how.